Masa Makes Me Want To Protect Him! *__*
Not that Masa's a softy.. but he's just so damn cute!! The bouncy, cranky, funny, *small voice* girlish, hyperactive cute!
I still feel that pinch in my heart whenever I think of him leaving the GacktJob... about what may had happened between him and Gackt.. *hinted grin*
But then, when I find pictures of him smiling that happy (and cheeky and goofy and cranky) smile of his... seeing him that happy and free.. it makes me happy too nah~~
Read some posts about his recent on-going things... some translations of his diary entries (pardon me, I have a bad memory of remembering the exact sites where I read them ^^;;;)...
Seems like he's doing pretty well. He's cheerful as ever ^0^ Well, maybe he does have lonely painful nights whereby he cries himself to sleep and-- no.. wait.. don't go there.. ;_; *tears at the thought*
In a new song of his, I think is the first hit single...
It mentions something about him trying to change himself, trying to become someone else, in order to please the one he loved most... but all he wants is to be himself...
The song's kinda angry... Can feel the displeasure, anger, pain and somewhat... longing in it... Painful for me ;_; Masa-kyun.... *sayang*
From an interview, regarding his leaving of GacktJob and venturing for something new, he said:
"When you give your everything, your heart, your soul, to the one you love the most. Yet you can never reach him totally. He can never love you back. You'll start to think 'Maybe I have to do something, something to prove myself worthy and gain his respect'."
Masa once said he loved a man... Though he never directly admit it, many believed the man to be none other than Gackt. It just leans towards him so much! ^_~
It's real sweet of Gackt too.. For not finding a replacement for Masa, in hope of Masa returning maybe. If I'm not wrong, You's playing the guitar parts Masa used to be in-charge of. *sigh* I kinda missed the times where You plays his violin parts... *double sighs*
Look at it from a different view... It may be a good thing for Masa to leave GacktJob ne. ^^;;; There's lesser restriction for his musical talents now...
When he's still in GacktJob, the main guitar parts are handled by Chacha and he did most of the surporting notes. Not to mention he can't do the singing.. Like duh! Gackt's the main vocalist, the singer there. ^_~
It's different now though. ^________^ Masa's full potential would be in use. He can sing and play his own music. That's a good thing.
Just hope that whatever problems there are between him and Gackt would be resolved soon... Or else, find someone else to love, Masa-kyun! Get a boyfriend/girlfriend!! However, that will shatter many many many fangirls' dreams... like mine ;_;
Wuv you Masa-sama!!! *showers flower petals*
Masa's so happy with his fellow Spiky bandmates.. *_* (Spiky is Masa's current Band)
Kawaii Masa no da... Kirei! kirei!! Aaah.. he's real pretty. ^^;;; Yes, he looks like a girl ¬_¬. But I still love him. ^0^ Damn, he's too cute......
Humour Me ^0^
Quoted from various sites, I own none of them (sadly). v_v
From a forum, about GakuHai *grins*:
Triumph: Oh! And about Hyde and Gackt. If they aren't screwing, I'll eat a hamster.
Niyo: Damn... I wanted to see someone eat a hamster x_x
From Gackt himself:
In this band, there are two Grandpas.
One loves to take a walk, and the other one is terribly forgetful.
What should I do about them? Should I leave them like that?
Come back home, Grandpa-YOU! We've already had supper, Grandpa-CHACHA!
From a forum, about auditioning of Jun, GacktJob's new bassist:
Gackt, Cha, and You doing auditions and discussing who should play for Ren while he's gone...
Gackt: They have to be sexy...
You: They have to be kinda bouncy...
Cha: They have to be pink....
Gackt: Cha... let's be realistic... the chances of them being pink is next to none...
You: Gaku's right Cha...
*Enters a bouncy, sexy Jun with pink hair extensions*
Gackt: O_O
You: O_O
Cha: YOU'RE HIRED! *Raspberry at Gackt and You*
Jun: ^^;;
I'm pretty use that the "Jun" is actually called Ju-Ken no da ^_~ Haven't actually see his pics but I've heard he's a handsome cutie taller than Gackt. O_O
Quoted from Fanfic ^^;;
Quoted from a gacktxMasa fic.. xDD
[Gackt POV]
He is special, because he doesn't say: Oh, it's not your fault...
He told me that it it was because of the way I chose to view the things around me that give me such a perspective. The world had looked so bitter and resentful because I had chosen to look at the world through a pair of glasses tinted with these emotions.
And then, it was like the lighting of a candle in a dark room -- I realised.
If I choose to look at life with a perspective that is coloured by unhappiness, I'll definitely never lead a happy life.
Tame? Maybe...
I angst a lot. Even if I don't look like it, I do angst a lot. ^_~
Just that I kinda grew out of it more and more every time I breathe.
Was supposed to be meeting Afu-chan at Sembawang before we head down to a couple of Laser Shops since I can't go to HMV (;_;).
I'm too lazy to walk.. so decided to take bus to mrt station instead. But yeah.. still need to WALK to the bus stop. ¬_¬ (Why can't the bus stop be just outside my house door, damn it!)
Walk walk... ack, bus!!.. RUN~~~~~! Phu Phu *panting*... *looks up*... Bus gone.
¬______________________________________________¬
What have this got to do with angsting? I don't know. x_x
Ok.. maybe I do know abit. ^^;;;;;
I don't like thinking too much.. but thoughts just goes around without control in my brain ~__~ Darn.. It's already having traffic jam up there in that puny brain of mine, for crying out loud!
If I was walking my normal fast pace like I haven't walk for a million years. If I wasn't so pre-occupied with whatever is inside that almost-empty scull of mine. If I wasn't brooding so much about who-knows-what. I would have caught up with the bus... I wouldn't even have to run for it.. I may be just resting there, waiting for the bus. (¬_¬)
My mind, heart and yeah.. body.. wasn't thinking, heading for the most important thing, the main thing that I'm going for... In the end? I miss it. It just drove past me... and before I can even say "wait!", it has gone far ahead of me...
Get what I mean? ^_~
Heh.. I either talk straight to point or I talk about a lot of bushes, branches and flowers yet still not sure if I've gotten to the point. xD
Oh well.. sue me, sue me... er not really.. please don't, I'm poor ^^;;;;
For those who got what I mean... I envy you, you smartass. T_T
Heh.. Another Review xDD
The following text belong to eh... a fellow Gackt and Hyde fan.. I forgot who ^^;;; I claim no rights and credits to it... The original owner, please inform me if you see this ne.. Gomenasai! ^^;;
If someone ask me to name the top two male vocalists in the Japanese popular music industry today, you wouldn't hear me hesitate. In my mind, at least, the choice is obvious: Gackt, formal vocalist of Malice Mizer, and Hyde, vocalist of L'Arc~en~Ciel. Why do they stick out in my mind above all the rest? Well, obviously, it's not just me, because L'Arc~en~Ciel is one of the top bands in Japan, and Gackt is arguably the most famous Jrock solo artist at present.
Both these vocalist have unique voices that make them instantly recognizable and are both accomplished performers. And neither Gackt nor Hyde can be accused of ever not hitting a note. So which one is better? That's a hard question to answer. I chose songs sung by each of them, two slow ballads, two middle pop-ish songs, and two faster, harder rock songs, to compare their singing voices in each category. The songs are:
Anata [L'Arc~en~Ciel], Saikai ~Story~ [Gackt]
Dive to Blue [L'Arc~en~Ciel], Mizerable [Gackt]
Butterfly's Sleep [L'Arc~en~Ciel], Papa Lapped a Pap Lopped [Gackt]
Most of these songs are well known (with the exception of maybe the songs in the harder rock category, but that's because neither Gackt nor L'Arc are known for hard rock songs), so anyone with a smattering of Jrock experience will be able to follow this analysis pretty easily. So let's start, first by comparing vocal range.
- Both vocalists have an incredible range. Forgetting the above list of songs for a moment, the highest note that I've heard Hyde sing, off the top of my head, is a B above middle C, in Driver's High (this excludes falsetto notes). The highest I can remember Gackt singing is A above middle C, though I don't know his songs quite as well as I know Laruku ones, so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong. Again, this excludes falsetto.
- For falsetto, in Still I'm With You, at the background vocals in the beginning of the song, Hyde reaches a high F ^^;;. (At least, I think that's Hyde. I'm pretty sure it is. If not, then it's the high E flat at the end of Dive to Blue.) For Gackt, the high E in the bridge part of U+K is the highest I've heard. Again, I'm not 100% sure, so correct me if there's a higher note somewhere. An interesting thing is that these high notes both occur in background places in the music, not in the actual lyrics. Another thing to remember is that Gackt's falsetto range starts at least a couple of notes lower than Hyde's.
- As far as low notes are concerned, I'm far less sure about the following results. I believe that the lowest Hyde ever reaches is a low C# in Time Slip, while Gackt goes down to a low B below that in EMU ~for my spl-uh, for my dear~ xD (yp: -rofl- ne.. bad pun! bad pun!). Judging from the above, Hyde's upper range is probably a tiny bit higher than Gackt's while Gackt can sing lower than Hyde.
- I've lumped the category "slow songs" in with the old regular jrock ballads, since Gackt's songs can't really be considered "ballads." In any case, Anata is certainly a ballad, while Story is dramatic and epic enough to be considered one.
- Starting off, Gackt's voice at the beginning of Story has a very soothing, soft, full yet fragile quality to it that fits very well with the piano. This gives the song a gentle love song-ish sound. Anata, on the other hand, is an orchestral-ish piece and thus is automatically begins on a louder note. Hyde starts on a higher note, and his voice is sharper than Gackt's and more edgy.
- Hyde still has that edgy quality to his voice as the song gets louder in the chorus, adding to the "dramatic" feel of the song. You can tell that Gackt is trying to be dramatic, but as he sings louder, his voice loses the contained feeling and frays a little at the edges on the longer, sustained notes.
- Moving on, both Dive to Blue and Mizerable are signature pieces of the respective artists, the former being a very successful Laruku single and the latter being Gackt's first single as a solo artist. Here we're not looking for dramatic ballad quality, but a continued sustained performance throughout the whole piece.
- Hyde's performance in Dive to Blue is characteristic of his regular singing style. We hear the same "dramatic" vocals that Anata had, and the same edge to his voice. Obviously, Hyde is naturally dramatic in his singing. It's clear from the beginning that he has a sharper sound to his voice than Gackt does, which makes him more suited to singing rock than ballads (which he does, to our great relief). Hyde's voice is very focused, very intense, which may account for some of the "sharp" quality that we hear, and the higher he goes, the more intense and focused it gets.
- Mizerable starts out much the same like Story, even with the faster beat. Gackt's voice sounds lower than Hyde's, even though the range of both songs is pretty much the same. Gackt has more of a bass quality to his voice and that is why his lower range is more greatly focused than Hyde's (remember the vocal range results above). As a result, his lower notes, both soft and loud, are strong, with a rounder sound and a more musical quality. His higher notes, however, are another story. Again because of this bass quality, as the pitch gets higher, he doesn't quite fight for the pitch, but it's a strain on his voice. The higher notes are far less focused and weaker, soft or loud. In this respect, Gackt's voice has improved dramatically from when he first started, however.
- Gackt's vibrato is much faster than Hyde's. (Fast vibrato is usually associated with singers not in the rock industry...opera singers comes to mind. I suppose Gackt therefore has a more "romantic" image than Hyde, though with his past in MM and even his present image, that's understandable). That's not to say Hyde's vibrato is bad, but Gackt's is simply more driving and effective. In any case, vibrato is a good thing and something that too few rock singers have managed to learn. ^.~
- They're jROCK singers, right? So makes sense that we'd compare some rock. Neither Gackt nor Hyde, however, are truly what you'd call "rock" singers. L'Arc~en~Ciel is known more for their pop or experimental songs than rock, and Gackt is also a more experimental singer. Not to mention that Malice Mizer didn't do much rock either. In any case, both artists have produced some rock, so here it is.
- I chose these two songs because they both are darker rock songs and we get to hear Gackt and Hyde singing angrily ^_~. Butterfly's Sleep is a wailing Egyptian-esque song, complete with Middle-Eastern chords, and Papa Lapped a Pap Lopped is, despite the strange title, a very modern, dark, garage-rockish song.
- Hyde's voice is angry. When is it NOT angry? (yp: -laughs like a maniac-) Butterfly brings out his angriness, however, to a higher level. He does a good job of building on the angry chords of the guitar. The chorus especially stretches his vocal talents as he almost shouts out the lyrics. Very angry.
- Gackt can also be angry, surprise surprise. Maybe it's the accompaniment, maybe he had a good night's sleep, maybe it's the added screaming, but he sounds more like a rock singer in this song than in any other song of his I've heard. His louder, higher vocals are still nowhere as focused as Hyde's, but the other qualities of his voice more than make up for that.
So the final verdict? Gackt and Hyde are pretty much evenly matched, but I'd have to take Gackt as the top vocalist. Hyde's voice, soft or loud, has an edgy quality to it that hinders his performance in some songs, while Gackt is pretty much able to sing any song without a problem. However, one must keep in mind that Gackt is a solo artist, while Hyde is subject to the whims of his own Laruku.
And this too-long analysis is concluded. ^^;;
¬_¬
Ok.. a little maths complication...
Without regard of the exact date of birth, I'm supposed to be 16 this year. My cousin should be 14, sec 2. The younger cousin's 10.
So there.
Kinoo no Koufuku
Hah..
I'm laughing.. Call me sadistic if you want to.. but I can't help but laugh in the face of the irony of it all.
Is it even the right word to use. Irony? Doesn't matter...
*LMAO*
Yeah... Maybe I really have more than a few loose screws... My laughter is reflected by the shimmer of my tears... My tears are echoed by the plangent laughter.
Another one? Within the time span of like what 2 years? Oops.. gomen, bad joke, cos' it's 2 weeks.
Hah.. I don't have to be that fruitfull in my life, you know. I want it simple. Simple my ass for now. I hate complications. I hate using my brain. I hate thinking. I hate crying. I hate pain.
But it happens so many times in so many places... It make me sadistic. It make me feel like "Oh.. another one? Haha... Hahaha...". It becomes quotidian.
One, once a flawless body with muscles fitting just the right places like a piece of art. Now a log of no life. Limp. Sliced. Unrecognisable. Leaving blood trails that screamed out the pleas to be freed.
Another, once a loving mother, a kind aunt, with undeniable fidelity to her husband. In actual, it took around 3 months. It seems to me like a split second of a heartbeat though. Snap. And the last glimps ever caught was the mashed pieces of half of the head, splattered all over the ground.
Hah.. I can even think of a joke, or pun, which ever way you see it. What colour is she wearing then? Heh.. RED? It's better to be red ne... Ever heard of unsettled agreements? Ever heard of revenge? Yeah yeah... Revenge is a two-sided blade... But when you're a ghost.. who cares, right? *shrugs and rolls eyes*
I can't say much. This is public anyway. But heck, I want to type. Let me type.
She's smart, you know. Have to give her credit for that. Pre-setting the scene like it's a simple god damned fucking accident. A bucket of soap water. A cloth. A stool. Hah. Smartass woman.
Not that smart though. I always give credit to those who chose this path. It needs a lot of bravery afterall. Whether or not they coward out at the very last minute when it's already all too late, that's another story. It's brave nonetheless to walk up to that step. But it's dumb. It's so fucking stupid it makes my ass drop when I laugh it off.
Hah. Whatever. Suit themselves. It's always those who are left behind that needs to do everything, clean everything, cover everything, feel everything. Ever heard of the dead being haunted? Hah. Funny. It's those who are left behind. Be it haunted by pure misery or fear.
It wouldn't be that bad if there's at least one of the parents left. *snorts* One escaped from life. The other escaped from law. *snorts more and rolls eyes* Is money that important anyway? Sure it is important... but to the point of going against the course of the hapiness of simple life? Hah. Maybe I should say "he should have listened to me father. Look at all the mess now..", but it wouldn't make any difference, would it? Thus, I shall keep my sarcarsm to the lowest intensity here.
How old is he again? Hmm.. 2 years younger than me.. 13 then. Well well... look what we've got... Innocent innocent Secondary One. Hah. Not so innocent anymore I guess. Who's left to see everything while preventing the younger of the siblings to see it? Him. Who's left to cover everything with "The last time I saw her... she's cleaning the window.." and "No.. she didn't have any problems.. nothing out of the blue has happen..."? Him. Who's left to be the responsible one, protecting his one and only brother? Him. Who's left to cry alone, struggle alone and hear his own sorrow ehoes alone? Him. The fucking innocent Secondary One.
One, I just all so fortunately have to be related with BY BLOOD. Hah. Direct cousins somemore. Ooooooh... this is fun, isn't it? Haha..
If this is a game, it sure hell is one that is all set to make me lose. I don't like losing though. And I won't be. I can always quit. End it. But.. no.. amazingly, I can't. As much as I hate losing, I hate being stupid more. Hence, quiting is out of the question.
So what now? Win it then. Hah. Easily said (or even done) by me. Just hope it'll be as smooth for the innocent one who's literally (and directly) the one being left behind, whom all so coveniently happens to be a first-timer.
Sure, the more it happens, the more pain you'll feel, no matter how numb you'd gradually became. But it's always the FIRST time that hurts most. And haunts you most. Bless him. What can I do? I'm not allowed to go see for myself. I have to put on a fucking annoying smile until who-knows-when because of, I quote, "your Grandpa is here and he's celebrating he's birhday so don't let him breathe even a single scent of this. Not even your Second and Youngest aunts. Be normal".
Hah. Normal. What's the normal me anyway? *goes on stage and puts on the fucking costume* *ALL SMILES AND GRINS* HEY~~~! Wanna have some FUUUUN~~? ^__^
Hah. Normal. Yeah.
The eldest, 13. The younger one, 9. Cool. They'll have a wonderful childhood. A Wham-Bang one at that. Cool.
You may escape and end everything by dying. But you can at least change SOMETHING by living.
One who murdered, may not be the bad guy. But good or bad, a murderer will always be faced with the time whereby he gets killed himself.
Ahaha~! Interesting One...
I like reading critics etc... while some are non-sensicle or overly-biased, some are actually very true to the fact and well... the phrasings used amuse me somehow. ^^
The message below is found at Astral Tears. I hold no rights and ownership over the post below (perhaps except the ++++ ^^;;).
Having surfed the net for more than 4 years now, I can see the transition of the style of web designing from last time to now. It seems like the 'in' trend now is super tiny fonts and fucking low contrast webpages.
What's the deal, really? I'm using 1208x1024 resolution on a 17'inch (would have used 1024x768 if my monitor wasn't screwy), and I'm telling ya I can't read like 50% of the webpages I see online. Even highlighting the text on low contrast sites doesn't help, because they use the alpha filter, which means highlighting it gives the same low contrast, just in inverted colours. I either have to squint and still be unable to read the text, or change my resolution to 800x600, then change back to 1208x1024 after I'm done reading the pages. I would stick to 800x600 if 90% of the webpages don't turn up scrolling horizontally instead.
Small fonts and non-high contrast sites look good when they're done in moderation. Using them in excess is way off. I'm not sure if those webmasters even have an idea how many visitors they are pissing off. "Oh, I build my website for myself and if you don't like it then don't visit" blahlallalalala. Yea yea whatever. Those people might as well put the same colour for their font and background if they enjoy pissing their visitors.
Another thing I can never understand is why webmasters take THEIR WHOLE SITE OFF when changing layouts. Can't they just have the old layout up while working on the new layout on their computer? Maybe they want their visitors to anxiously wait in anticipation for the new layout, or just want to force their visitors to find a new resource to hang out at? Whatever. It would really help if they don't usually take like half a year to put up their new layout -_-.
And this is a call out to webmasters who uses frames: PLEASE, for god's sake, make sure your links to foreign sites open in a NEW WINDOW. It gets really dumb and frustrating when the links open in the same frame and the right click option is disabled.
I'm Going Drooly-Wrooly Over a Married Man
Yes.. You see that right. Married Man.
Yeah.. nothing special... he's just a man.. who's married...
Nothing out of the blue lah...
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO~~~~!!!! %&*#$@%@&^@&$!!!!!!
Ok... *takes deep breath*
Was browsing through lots and lots of Jpop/rock sites ytd, searching for nice Hyde pictures. Oh my... He's the quintessence of a total bishounen!! ^s^ <--- wanting to kiss Hyde.
Ok... there's more than enough pictures around the world of Hyde looking too much like a girl for his own damn good. But STILL... aaaah... he's sexy... ='.'=
So... I continued to search for his pictures whenever I'm free and my butt's working... From pictures, I ventured further to joining some of his forums and fan clubs ^^;;;;; heh.. mad of me...
I started reading (and reading and reading and reading...) informations, news etc about Hyde-sama.
Then everything, including the sky, the clouds and the sun, crashed down on me. T_T
That total Bishie-sexy-cutie-funny-talented Hyde is married. ¬_¬ With a child (son or daughter, nobody knows). ¬___¬ And he's 35 this year. ¬___________¬
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRHHHH~~~~~~~!!!
HOW CAN SOMEONE THAT YOUNG + CUTE + SEXY + *small voice* feminine + ALL-TOO-DROOL-WORTHY BE 35??! MARRIED??? AND WITH A CHILD???????!!!!
*bangs head like a mantra*
@_______________@
Okok... *calms down*
Seriously... I thought this type of thing only happen in Comics -.- Like Sakuma Ryuichi *points below*, he's 30 when he looks like he's 10... ok that's too unlikely ^^;; he's 30 when he looks like he's 16 ~___~
I thought he's 18 -.- if not, at most 24 ~__________~
He's 35!!!!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAA~~~~!!!
*goes around banging walls again*
;_;
*sigh* oh well... I still love him nonetheless ^.~
Can't give up on someone too damn cute for his own good. ^0^
I'm Ryuichi!
|
You act like a 3 year old most of the time but you have a ton of talent stored inside you. You are passionate about the things you're good at and you love to have fun. You always have a cute stuffed animal beside you and you love to play around with it. You have a weird way of helping people, but you help them nevertheless. XD Which Gravitation Character Are YOU? Take the quiz at Dare to Dream |
Ahaha~! Oops.. ok.. heh.. *pretends to be busy doing other things*
Happy Valentine's Day. In memory of Chu Yan
Heh... this is going to be sort of a surprise..
Puxin... you're one of those creepy ones who stalk my blog 24/7 and yet I've no idea of, aren't you. ~__~
An-nah~ I'm ok. ^^;;;; You make me sound like I'm going to drown myself in my own blood, damn you. ¬_¬ LOL. Kidding.. =p I don't sound that angsty, do I ^^"?
Anyway, back to point. ^^;;;; Sorry, I can't go with you guys to the cemetary... Help me give my blessings hor.. *pokes pokes*
Disclaimer:
Kinomoto Touya and Tsukisiro Yukito are characters from the official anime and manga Card Captor Sakura. All original graphics belong to Clamp and Kodansha, Ltd. All official artworks are use for personal needs and NO profit is gained at all in the process.
Tame? Maybe...
Heh... I stopped myself from blogging the few previous days before I falter my whole blog into a angsty rotting nicompoopoo ^^
Oh well... *sheepish scratch head* done with the angsting. =p Can't imagine myself going all lassitude on Valentine's eve. (or the day after for that matter ^^;;;)
Is it the "Cake Festival" or what?? I decided to bake a small mango cake and a few fruit tarts for VD. Heh, just for the fun of it. XDDD
But I end up with 2 cakes ¬__¬. 1 of which is kinda big... no.. wait.. did I say big? Well, I mixed that up, cos Big Cake has a sibling call The Hugely Large Giant Round Ball... yap.. that's the one I'm talking about. ~__~
This is NIGHTMARE... 2 cakes... 2 cakes... how am I going to eat them all??? *tears at hair*
Firstly - my whole family is on diet, leaving only my two cousins and I to finish them all. ;_;
Secondly - I'M SUPPOSED TO BE ON DIET TOO~~!!! #$%^@&!!
Was going for movies tommorow. Termed "was" because who knows what hell my father will give me when they bombard me with who knows how many questions of who knows what kind. So that idea's scratched.
That's it. I'll lock myself in my room and stuff those circle cream King Kong down my oesophagus in my own solitary. Hnn! Bwaaaaaaaaaa~!! *cries a storm*
Diet... diet... Bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~!!!
And I supposed to feel lucky that that tiny weeny cake of mine was taken away so I have a cake lesser to finish and break world record? ;_;
Bwaaaaaaaaaa~!!!
I like cakes but not THIS much!
Bwaaa waa waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~!
Hush...
Sshhh... Hush now... Please, don't cry...
Though they're pretty, they're shinning... don't let those tears fall..
Though we're parting... hush, sweet.. it's nothing...
We're not seperated.
I shall see you
Again
Some time
In my next life.
Hush.. please, don't cry.
Where...?
I don't see. And I can't.
It's blinding, please off the headlights.
I needed space. But not so much. It's empty.
That's what it is. Empty.
Quiet.
Here.
Please, don't cry.
I'm not here.
I'm not dead.
See, I'm the wind that blows through the whole world.
I'm the light that shines over the world and glitters like a diamond on the snow.
I'll give the crops light, and in the autumn a gentle rain.
I blanket all things.
When you open your window at dawn, I'll be the wind brushing your hair.
At night, when you sleep, I'll be a star watching over you.
So please don't cry over this grave.
I'm not there.
I'm not dead.
Inside. Blood.
Smile.
Simple thing.
I will not let you see that face.
Stained with tears.
Why should you see the tears?
Why should I let you see?
Fly.
I feel like I can.
Smile.
And you won't know my pain.
Pain?
No. There's no pain.
I will keep smiling.
Hide it. Fake it.
I will keep smiling.
So you won't worry about me.
So you can leave me.
You won't feel guilty.
I see you vanish.
You won't feel guilty.
I feel you vanish.
You'll protect me.
I'll keep smiling.
You have your dreams.
I fulfill those unaccomplished.
I Don't Know You...
Oh.. nothing. Nothing happen. Really.
It happens so many times that it makes no difference, isn't it?
Tsukareta.
"Take care of her or I'll peel you like a banana.."
"Hn.. you don't have the right to warn me."
"I can peel you when I'm a ghost too, you know."
"Yah yah..."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Take care? Of who?
Both are gone.
*snorts*
It's like I'm the one doing the "take-care-of-her" job now.
*snorts*
"Good to see you cry... maybe not that good... but still good..."
"¬_______¬ You're sadis-"
"Cos' I know it isn't me who made you cry..."
"..."
"And I don't have the ability to make you cry either... I guess they call this defeat.."
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Oooooooooh... so you say, huh?
Oh well *shrugs* Can't blame you. You don't have precognition abilities. But you don't have the right to judge either. You judged wrong.
"Maybe... One day... Just maybe... When I'm about to go, you'll finally say yes."
"Aaah? @_@"
"Nothing."
"OI!! Say lah!"
"Nothing lah! KPO!"
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Yes what? Say "Yes. Yes, please go."?
Well.. I don't have to. You already went.
Is this a red that I see? Or is it white? No.. black? Grey?
Empty.
Plangent
Art lesson. Non-restricted painting.
Was supposed to be coming up with something for the annual Art Exhibit. This year's theme - Youth.
I held the brush and palette. None. My mind's blank. Not a bit of white. Not a bit of black. Not a bit of colour. Blank.
A low buzz managed to whisper in my pocket. Handphone.
Guessed it right. Rence.
Being in this profession brings out the 6th of the senses. They call it the inner-eye. Some make themselves blind to bring it to the highest level.
Stupid. I have enough blood belonging to someone else staining myself almost every night. Why stain myself some more by digging out my eye balls?
I made an excuse with ease from years of experience, adding smoothness to the flow with an innocent mask of a high-school student.
Arrived. Student comp lab. Disabled a few things. Heck in two accounts. Done. Face a poker like it's all quotidian.
The soft buzz hummed in the silence of the empty lab. The screen turned black.
3,2,1...
Beep!
Now's the begginning of the start.
I typed in, "210-12p"
Beep!
Gender: Male
Age: 32
..............
I scanned through the lengthy document lazily. Memorizing everything within a split secound.
Another night. I can smell it again. The rain. The blood. The pathetic beggings by pathetic beings to live on pathetic lives. Before I end them with my blade. It's a wonder how a thing so small can be so deadly.
...... ......
It's late. It's way passed midnight.
I entered the vacant art room. The students are gone. My work left undone.
I worked up my paint sets, walked towards my canvas and painted it... RED.
Memory. It Gives Both the Pain and the Beauty.
Read Jin's blog just now.
I can't deny to it. In fact, I have to say I agree totally. Nothing stays the same forever. Nothing lasts forever.
Feelings don't stay the same. They either grow stronger or weaker. They either grow firmer or they fade away.
A loving couple married for 20 years, may still be head over heals with each other. It may look like nothing has changed.
But no, some things changed. Their love becomes firmer as the days where they go all lovey-dovey add on. They grow old (they're not Peter Pan), they become mature, their points of view will differ slightly by slightly. Yes, they still love each other. But stronger, firmer.
Same goes with friendship.
I have a few photos of my primary school mates displayed on my shelf. I penned down words like, Friends Forever, Best Friends etc, surrounding the pictures. My cousin dropped by once and saw the photos.
She commented, "Ha! Eh... you think it can last forever? But I tell you... When you got promoted to Secondary school, JC and so on... you'll meet new friends. You may get real close with some. Then, you put the close friend you have now at Sec school and your best friends in Pri school together, think it through... Who's closer to you? The Sec school ones or the Pri ones?"
I just gave the tiny smile i seldom give and said, "I know. But even if it won't be always the same. It's enough."
Cousin: "I guess it is..."
My Primary school mates and I, we do hang out occasionally. However, as years pass, the frequency whereby we meet and goof around gets lesser and lesser.
I look at the photos of us together. All smiles and cosying up. It's a nice picture. Innocent smile. Simple yet deep friendship. I smiled. But what's this pain scripting inside? It's a soury kind of squeeze to the chest.
Regret? Miss? The thoughts of many other posibilities?
"I could have make a call and just day Hi. I could have just send a card or two to give some warm blessings."
I looked at the photos again... wiping away an imaginary smudge on them.
Yeah... it's not the same again. But I never regret having them as my friends. Best friends. I may have friends that I'll regard as close and best of mine as I meet new people. But they're still my best friends. From the past. But still is.
I'll never know. One day, we may see each other on the street, a moment of pause "wait a mo'... she looks familiar"...
Memories will rise up, some childish ones, some happy ones, some sad ones...
I'll realise, "Hey! She's XYZ! Wow... one fine lady already... Hah! remember that time we're still pinching each others cheek in a childish fight"
And it seems that memories flashed pass her mind too, cos' she smiled. We both smiled. Giving each other a silent acknowledge. How long has it been? Ten years? Twenty years?
Yeah... it's sad, the friendship faded and got blown away by the wind along the way. But hey... I have the memories with me. The wind wasn't strong enough to blow them away.
It's no longer the same. But I have my memories to boot. She has the same too. It's enough. Our smiles? More than enough.
Hora hora~ I'm still young. The ten or twenty years haven't passed [and won't be any time soon].
It's highly possible to happen though. Knowing that, I'll definitely try my best to maintain our friendships. It's not definitely a success though. ^.~ I can't swear on my pinky finger that it won't be short-spanned.
Let natural course take its flow. I'm too lazy to care about almost everything. ^^;;; Even if I'll die of hunger, I may even be too lazy to think of food. ¬__¬
To all my friends:
Ending/Fading or not, I never regretted having you as my friend. Once in my life, always in my life one way or another... always in my memory.
Ja' Matta na!
Something's Missing...
ACK! Woke up at 1pm -.-''
*scratch head* Something is wrong.. or make that, out of place... I just couldn't put my finger as to what it is... ~__~ *scans around the room*
Yeah.. I remember SMS-ing Ru yesterday night, some nice chats before I drift off to LaLa Land on TraLaLa Island...
Yeah... I packed my room so it looks totally spic and span, in an effort to get back to sleep when my body clock decides to go hell on me and made me wake up at 2 in the morning with energy and awakeness at 2 in the morning.
And yes, I continued another two paragrahps of the Ru x Ryo fic I promised Liete-san... before, of course, I got distracted by the darn fridge in the darn kitchen with its darn addicting mango pudding.
I'm a good girl. Did some studying on Social Studies. Wrote some notes. Tried some A-Maths questions. Almost mutilated my whole house just to find my chem text book. Yeah.. I found a half-mutilated house and NO chem text book. ¬__¬
BUT something is just missing... What is it? What is it? What is it? WHAT IS IT??! *bangs head against wall like a mantra*
@__@ <--- spiral-eyed ~tweety birds are yellow~
Hm.. what to do.. oh well.. *shrug sheepishly* Go online then! XDDD
Yosh, got to check the forums, try downloading psp to this comp (failed ;_;), check the yahoo groups, check emails, reply some, test my ftp upload tool.... Oh yeah... Blog Rounds.
Now, here I come to my own bloggy. Hm.. nothing new [I'm talking about my own blog -.-'' It will have something new if I update it... Watashi wa ten no Numba Wan Do'Aho XDD]
Ooooh.. I got some new tags! ^0^
Hehe.. Jin calling me to blog again.. Me me naughty need reminding.
Oooh... Joyce tagged too...
...
JOYCE!! JOYCE OH JOYCE OH JOYCE OH JOYCE JOYCE JOYCE JOYCEJOYCEJOYCEJOYCEJOYCE~~!!!!
O_______________________O!!!!!
THAT something missing is JOYCE! Haven't hear her voice! That's weird! That's NOT my life!!! No no no! My life is - 3 days at least got one is with Joyce voice inside de -
;_; Miss you darling Joycey deary honey poody goody moochy bunny darling Joyce... ^s^
Hehe... visitors to my blog, you're now setting the world record of "The Most Number of Goosebumps In One Body". =)
Anyway, back to point. So I've been sleeping like I haven't slept for 25 lifetimes. And when I'm awake (which last for like what.. 2 hours ^^"?), I'm well... a zombie.
Now I'm kinda perky! Heh.. slept enough liao. Call Joyce! Call my honey bunny lovey Joyce! [goosebumps attack!]
In Chinese (duh...)
Me: "Hello? Erm... May I speak to Joyce please?"
Alex: "She's not home yet.."
Me: "Eh.. Around what time will she be back?"
Alex: "Hmmm... around 6/7.."
Me: "WAAAAAA~!!! ;_;! ;_;!" ;_______________;
Alex: 'key laugh'
Ehehe... ok.. so the last two sentence didn't really happen. But...
BOOO HOOO HOOOOOOOOOOO~! Unfair! Unfair! Unfair!
*points pistol heavenward* You! Yes you up there! Return Joyce's voice back in my life! *bang!* *bang! bang!* Hnf!
Oopsy, neighbour calling me...
Ja matta na'!