Hide Away
Heh.. Just realised I don't even know what's the main point of my previous entry ^^;;; Oh well, angst is taking over my puny brain =o=
Gyaa... I should be drooling over Hyde and not angsting here!! Where's my Hyde-kun~~~? Ok.. darn.. I need to angst! >;D
I'm talking about betrayal in my previous entry, aren't I ^^"? *scratches head* Ok~~
Hmm... where should I start then...? Ok... from betrayal of friendship perhaps? Shall not eleborate about the family betrayal part nah ^^;;; I'm just lucky that my parents and brother are the most loving kins I can ever ask for, and having them is enough for me already. ^_~
Somebody once told me...
"Don't be so dense... sometimes, the person you trust most is the person who will take advantage of that fact."
"You think females are the weakest, soft-heartest species? You're wrong... Girls, being the easiest affected by emotions, are the scariest and can be the most cunning ones."
"You really think friends will stick together no matter what? I've warned you before about this, didn't I? Girls, when comes to matters of the heart, a.k.a Romance Love, they'll use any method to get what they want. They can turn into a murderer if it's called for."
"You still trust her, don't you? Haa... You trust her more than me eh? I'll tell you the wrong's not on the guy, but on the girl. I guess I'm wasting my breath anyway, so..."
Haha... I guess I really AM a stubborn-head, am I not? xDD
To think of so many warnings given to me yet I chose to believe in my own views ^^;; Guess I'm not as clear-headed as I thought I am nah~
Ne ne *pokes that person who kept warning me* You know who you are ^_~
If girls are as you described them to be... I'm a girl too. You're trying to hint that I'm like that?? Hmm...? *pokes* Haha... kidding.. I can almost picture you with that (-____-)x look.
How long was it already ^^"? Ah... the memories are pretty blurred by now ^^;;; I can't remember when's the last time I've chatted with her on the phone...
I used to be a phone-chatting addict ^^; Yeah... The high phone bills are all my work of art... =o=
Ru, if you're reading this... I think you know how long-breath I can be over the phone ne ^^ll'
Ru... you did realised I don't talk long on the phone now ne ^_~? I seldom even called you... Actually, I really miss those times we pester each other over the phone ^^;;; Haha!! I feel real comforted when you have problems and come sharing with me, be it Jin's problems you're worried about or your own problems. Sometimes you even surprised me with concerns for me out of the blue. Surprises which warms my heart ne... *tears*
And Joyce... I looove chatting with you on the phone no da! ^0^ I'm really sorry... It's like you're always the one calling me and not me calling you... Sorry ne... As much as I like hearing you confiding in me, liking the trust you have in me... I always have a fear de sio ^_~ I'm really sorry. But I really really feels comforted when you trust me to confide your problems with.
Jin... I'm really honoured to have you seeking me when you really need my help. And I'm really very very happy and gratefull that you actually called me to tell me about your Happiness that day. ^^v You truly make me feel that I'm really seen as a dependable friend. And frankly speaking, that is a very pretty feeling. ^_^
The things that make someone feel there's a need or worth for carry on living, are hatred that plans for revenge, and pure trust and dependence of people that makes you feel you're needed. Or, well... you just enjoy living lah ^^;;; Or you simply don't want to die, that's all. =pp
Since when did I stop the phone-chatting fetish then o.O?? Hah... I forgot...
*pokes that person (who warned me) again* You say it's not my fault... and I shouldn't blame the guy too...
Ne... But why? Why she persuaded everyone to be cautious of me in case I start to talk bad about them behind their backs ^^"?
Btw... since when did I like that guy she fell head over heals with? ^^;; I don't remember if I've even talked with that guy more than twice ^^;;;;; I hate homophobics, remember ^_~? So why is she fearing that the guy she loves will be snatched away by someone who isn't even her love-enermy ^^;;;;;;;;???
*mushroom sigh* We're only 14 then... As if we don't get a boyfriend then, we'll be Nuns forever... ~___~ Seriously, I thought 16-18 years old is the period whereby girls yearn for romance. I'm wrong o.o?? Haha... I guess I'm wrong...
Or maybe I'm just plain weird ^^"? Cos' I'm reaching 16 now... and honestly speaking... Is there any boyfriend I'm looking for ^^"? *scratches head* Heh... I don't mind glueing myself all over Hyde/Masa/Gackt... but that's pretty impossible ne... *bawls madly*
Gyaa... why are all the good guys either taken or gay ;_;??
Ok.. back to point... er... what's my point ^^""? Ahaha... ok.. I'm waaaay getting insane ¬_¬
Maa maa... why bring up old granny stories? T_T I don't know... Ahaha... Ok.. I know... ¬_¬ (not funny...)
Ano... can girls be less scary ^^ll'?? I feel intimitated even though I'm a girl myself ^^;;;;;;
History does repeat itself once in a while, doesn't it? And I'm one big fool who doesn't learn from history. Mou... =o=
And I really lacked in speed eh? Haha... be it physically or mentally, or even emotionally... Haha... (I just realised my "Haha" is getting a tad too annoying..)
Before I know it, I'm losing another friend ga? I'm not to blame, you say? *questions the person who kept warning me*
You're a funny person you know that? (referring to the person who warned me lah ¬_¬)
You came to me suddenly and said, "She doesn't see you as a friend anymore. You haven't realised. Ah.. As usual anyway..."
I asked you, "What happened to her? She's angry cos' I want her to return me my CD ^^;;;;;??"
But you gave me a weird answer ~_~ --- "Not your fault. It happened before."
I thought a part of your brain fell off again then... ^^;;;; But now I get what you mean lah. Ha...
I think I'm doing a bickering-behind-the-back now ^^;;;;;;; Better stop this nya. Haha..
Ah... eh... what's my main point for this entry again ^^"? *scratches my now-bald head* Ahahaha~! Never mind. I forgot... =_= *whacks myself silly*
Angst? No?
Haha... Really, what am I doing? Blogging in the midnight hours??! With this angsty feeling again... And I was wondering why I had been on such a sugar-high the past few days... ¬_¬
Calm before the storm eh? Even though I know how ugly what's coming next in this post will be, I'll still be posting it anyway. Heh... Rebellious eh? xD
What kind of ugly, you say? The ugly side of human... Whereby we always put ourselves on the center scale. Everything should be judge by ourselves. It's the ugly side. And it's the ONLY choice ^_~
There's no definite view. It's only normal for people to view things their own way, judging things by their own scale. It's the only way.
Thus, most humans will think "Oh, I'm the most miserable person on Earth" etc. Very seldom will people think they're the most blessed. Even when you yourself knows that there are people much more misfortunate than you, you'll still be cursing your life. You'll still think that your life sucks the most. ^_~ Like duh...
So this is one entry I'll be showing the ugly side ne ^^;;
One thing I know I have full knowledge and experience of is Betrayal. By family, by friends, by people I thought worth of my respect.
I'm always the clown, the fool, the toy. Nah, I don't give up on hopes and life ^_~ A girl like me? Who loves to daydream, fantasize, and gets fanactic over Yaoi easily? A girl like this is not the type that goes dead on one single blow nah.. xDD
But the harshness reality caused can never be totally removed ne.
I will never cry. Not in front of you. Not for sympathy.
You think crying is the showing of misery?
Let me ask you... When you feel a very hurting pain that will last forever, can you cry forever then?
Tears will flow dry. When the tears flowed cry, what continues to flow is blood. And Blood never flows dry...
What's the point of bragging about your own misfortune? Like it's a damn proud thing?? Ok, I'm now doing the so-called bragging, but I have nothing better do in a sleepless night other than showing my ugly self nah... Sue me. =pp
If I don't show the pain, people will not fuss over it. And before you know it, everything's forgotten, even you yourself forgot the wounds and the cause of them. Scars will never heal if you have too much hatred accompanying it nya ^_~
Why cry all the time and make myself blind, when I can laugh everything off and keep myself young and pretty? ^0^v
Pissed Off! I Should Have Just Walk On! Blech!!
Did I mentioned before that other than Racists and Homophobics, I hate unreasonable people too? And that I hate them to a CERTAIN degree?
GAAR!! *hammers vodoo*
Like "HELLO?", I'm being helpful here, the least you can do is say a small "Thank You". But what... you gave me a disgusted look accompanied with a "Fuck off la!".
Ooooooooh, I'm not doing the fucking... You very well will be doing it to a big fat toad for all I care.
Firstly, I don't know who started the fight but it's definitely not me. I'm ~walking~ by for crying out loud. ¬_¬
Secondly, who's that useless stud down there again? Panting and grabbing his own left shoulder like it's going to fall off??
Thirdly, whose sister is she again, who came running to me, practically begging me to help and stop some morons???
Do I have to multiply your IQ to a negatively counted one so that I can get a positive IQ number out of you? Because your IQ's negatively counted for all I know.
For your information, Sir, I could have been strolling home happily eating my Bao if NOT for your sis. You're a pathetic brother you know that? Oh, no you don't. Your IQ's -580. I pity your scull for carrying that kind of brain.
For your information again, Sir, I wouldn't have a puffed eye, cheek and a broken nose if I weren't being an itchy butt! And ask yourself whom I'm scratching my butt for!
Oh, and to another... Master, there's no point apologising after you practically aimed for a World Champion Face Distortion on me. I would have gotten that beautiful title if I weren't being good at ducking.
Gah!! What am I doing with these morons?!??!
I swear on my short toes..
That's the first and the last time I'm taking a big fat blow for you, Sir.
And that's the LAST touch you'd ever be giving me, Master.
Yeah.. I'm being petty. I'm a girl. Fire my ass.
I'm kind enough to do the bandaging even after the damn blow and the musical "Fuck off la!".
Ya'all are guys. You have balls which I don't. So can you please have some guts AND some real BRAINS?
Various..
Bye Bye. Please Move. - incomplete -
You don't say what I want to hear
So I chose to leave
That's just so like me...
I'm the right one, you say
But you need some others to play with
That's just so like you...
'Fidelity' is not in your dictionary
Even though that's what you promised me
I'm not angry with him but you.
"Why?" you asked.
He never promised me anything
You did. And you broke it.
Laho, discontented you may be.
I'm not feeling guilt nor sympathy.
There's You. There's Me.
Kiss the ass but there's no Us.
An end was put to it.
He never lies. You did.
If it's a mistake for me to leave
Blame it on yourself, not me.
I'm not saying "sorry"
When there's no need for it.
Stop pulling me away from him.
I need him near
And you a distant memory.
Gyaaa~~! Another cheesy, dorky, hairs-standing, goosbumbsmic one. T_T Again... Tempo's not right. Words don't river-chain. FAILURE! (seriously... I'm being one of those self-torturous kind by disgracing myself, aren't I?)
Oh.. and doesn't this just remind you sooooo much of QAF's Justin and his Ex (whom I forgot the name.. nope, not Brian)?? ^0^ I better not explain what QAF is here... less I get into some trouble ^^;;;;
M and E
They say,
time will tell if something will last
And that signs do prognosticate
when the ending is to come
A kismet it may be
one can never tell
we're never prepared for it
But you shall be seeing it
Soon.. Now...
I must leave
- chorus -
Because!
I've always been what you portrayed me to be
And I'm already tired of it
I'll give you
My heart
My soul
And every other things
But it has to be the...
ME
- -
This feeling. Lassitude.
It may be latent afterall
Present but hidden
Right from the start
A non-salubrious embrace
Your dear propensity
to make things perfect
I'm just any other
Break these fetters
Let me Live
- repeat chorus -
Don't get this wrong. I loved you. I still do.
But I'm doing it another way
I want to feel the Joie de Vivre
And make you feel it too
So, for now...
Quietus!
You kept trying to make me different
depriving me of my life energy
I can't give you
My heart
My soul
And every other things
If they don't belong to...
ME
- repeat chorus -
I love you. I really do.
I'll do this another way though
I want to feel the Joie de Vivre
And make you feel it too...
Sheeeeeesh~! *cringes* It's okay at first. But it's really getting on my nerves more every time I view it over. *goosebumps* It's just so... cheesy... it's just.. well... WRONG! ~_~
The tempo's not right. The words don't chain. The phrasing don't flow smooth! Nothing's correct! GAAAAH!
Well.. the only part I got the right feeling is "Break these fetters. Let me live". And that is the ONLY part I feel that is still acceptable... even though it still makes me feel dorky... ¬_¬
*sighs* Got a lot of improving to do no da.. I've been thinking whether I want to get proffesional training... But then again.. Better don't spend this kinda money ^_~ My priorities are definitely not this. ^^;;;;; (ps.. besides, my interests change kinda fast x_x)
Btw, slight warning... I really hate penning love songs. ~_~ Why does it have to make my hairs stand everytime I do it?!!?!? *nausea* Heh.. don't blame me.. blame the things I'm currently reading online. ^0^
Doesn't this just remind you soooo much of Gackt x Masa? *maniacal laugh*
LYRICS! (false alarm =p)
Ano.. Maybe I should put get a copyright or something... But then again.. take them, edit them, create some real music... I won't mind.. since I SUCK at it (not literally, you wood!). Then again... no one will want to take them.. ;_; *falls into depression*
Ehehe.. I only have the one which got 3rd with me. And believe it or not, I have INCREDIBLE memory problems... even if it's about my own work. ^^;;;;;
I'll post some incomplete ones tho ^_~ Heh, yes, I've too much spare time up my sleeve, you smart Inu.
Slacker Slack Attack! xD
Heh... Haven been updating my blog alot...
Gomen nah ^_~ Have been
Anyway, hmm... what to post..? Oh! I got 3rd for the Lorandal (forgot/don't know how to spell ^^;;) Lyrical Penning Competition!!! Fufu~~~! It's just two $30 HMV vouchers that I got tho.. ¬_¬ Bleh! I can use that to buy Laruku up-coming album SMILE and Gackt's 6th Day! ^0^ *gets all hyper* *bounces off wall*
Eh.. forgot that was when... about 2 weeks ago.. I think.. *scratches head*
Recently, about 3 days ago [?], I got 2nd!!! In eh.. I don't know what competition, actually. ¬_______________¬
No... seriously, I don't know. It's in Malaysia anyway ^^;;;; Kiro signed up for me. Heh. xDD But I DO know it's for Lyrical penning too. SECOND!! A FREAKING SECOND~!!!!! *hops around like kangaroo*
Frankly speaking though... I'm thinking that the whole lyrical penning (and musical/overall composing) standard is dropping.. quite alot too, I may add. But then again, maybe that's just the case here ne... ^_~
I remembered I used to get only, at most, consolation prizes. Many submissions of mine weren't even taken in for consideration. -.- And I seriously doubt that I've improved that much in such a short span of time.
Anyway... WHO CARES???!!! xDDDDD *GLOMPZ EVERYONE* *CHEWS EVERYONE* *BOUNCE AROUND* xDDDDD SECOND!!! SECOND! ^0^ + ^0^ + ^0^
I don't know what's the prize this time though ¬_¬ Some REAL cash $$$ this time perhaps? Puwees? o(*.*)o?
*shows off empty pocket*
Ok.. enough.. *still boucing from wall to wall*
I'll post the lyrics in following entries..
Yes, I've eaten too full and got nothing better to do ^^ *pats bloated stomach*